A history of How Geeks Changed the World : Eman

A history of How Geeks Changed the World

by Eman

The Dawn and demise of Grecogeeks

Why so many geeks spent so much time hammering on rocks even after mice had lost their tusks is a mystery to me. The command line interface was already getting old. Telling everyone what to do barking orders, shouting out demands what was the world coming to for geeks? So it came to pass for centuries that geeks were enslaved! Really, after the fire thing and the wheel thing you would think that Cavegeeks had paved the way for future geeks to really take command and get some respect. But no, some nut case with a religious vent was pushing them to make big rocks into squares, rectangles and triangles. What the heck was a Grecogeek supposed to do? Square rocks?

Geeks proved that columns could better hold up a roof with nice fluted lines and stacked just right would also last for thousands of years under constant pressure. Yet geeks were being pushed into a darker time. Magic and mysticism along with the worship of elements as gods was taking hold. So Grecogeeks did what geeks do today.
They found work!

Work was the easy part though. Getting paid was the hard part! Unlike their Roman cousins, Grecogeeks were slaves. Yup, not just a slogan as we use the term today but real slaves. They had to prove their value and climb that slave ladder of success competing with slaves with other skills. Thinking was not always considered a good trait from a slave, but being the thinkers Grecogeeks were this obstacle was easily overcome. “So you want to make life better so you can collect taxes huh? Well let me tell you about a little phenomenon called down!” (Yes down was the predecessor to gravity so bear with me for a minute.) Down was acceptable no bonking people on the head with apples was going to work yet, so down was cool. If Grecogeeks said anything else was in play they could lose their heads! So down lead to irrigation, canals, sewers, guillotines, paved roads, falling, tripping, depression, helmets, and the stock market.

Some Grecogeeks rejected down and in a rush to form a new coalition discovered UP. The lines were now drawn. Up verses Down those Grecogeeks with jobs were now at odds with each other. (Sort of like Microsoft and Apple today!). Geeks were ready for war!

Here is a historical clip of Greek Spartans heading into battle;

So the fulcrum was born. That word cost many geeks their lives by the way it had to be referred to as, “that thingy in the middle there!” It was true you could create an axis and things would happen. But you could not say fulcrum; really, a Grecogeek had to remember their place. No multi-syllable words could be uttered by a slave. Geeks were on the verge of extinction! So the catapult was born and what it did had to be described as throw. The predecessor of the cannon had its roots in a Grecogeek trying to save his job. Hurling objects at your adversary became cool, it was chic, and it was a good job for a Grecogeek. It was now possible to throw objects at an advancing enemy far away from your fortress simply by using up and down! Eureka the world had now really been spun on its axis. Up and down could kill. Grecogeeks were gnashing their teeth for a chance to go to war! How could these imbeciles expect to keep calling gravity down and everything else up? Yeah sure a projectile shot at a high arc could kill, but what sort of projectile was acceptable? Was it ok to fling your mother-in-law or a family pet at an adversary? Was it acceptable to throw cattle at an opponent as the French did in the Monty Python spoof? The Ballista was born. Sure the Chinese had actually invented the catapult long before the Greeks I will get to the Sinogeek later though.

Greek Geeks were tough. Hell, look at a map of the world and you will see what I mean; living amongst the rocks and harsh mountains of stone, built character. This existence went on for a very long time until the technology developed by the geeks in Rome arrived! Romangeeks were influential with the Roman Legion, but the navy was still not listening to them yet. Life boats and flotation devices were still not being used. Consequently when sailing into epic battles nearly half of the armies were lost at sea. Back in Rome the geek was not a slave but a well paid voting member of society. These Romangeeks could find revenue not just food and the lash for their work. Here they came with their version of the catapult. They called it the onanger, even the name was a bit more macho sounding than the ballista (which sounded like a term used for the style of dance seen in Swan Lake).

So the battle of the latest geek technologies basically found the Romangeeks who had the best pay and thus the best technologies, defeating the Grecogeeks. Remember when Cisco did it to 3com, Bay Networks and then Nortel? These types of battles have been waged for centuries all because of Geeks just like the CCIEs of today.

Of course the occasional wooden horse or other animal was used…

For the first time in history good wages powered the will of geeks to make real competitive contributions. The armies and navies of the Roman Empire empowered by the discoveries and inventiveness of Romangeeks were reshaping the world! Now that is a badge of honor for geeks!

Epic battles waged using geek technologies were wining geeks respect. For centuries some nations kept them as slaves but their value was being realized by other nations where geeks had found respect. The next big challenge was how religious fever would launch the next wave of global geek domination (not to mention keeping them from accidently destroying their own country like they did in Atlantis!)

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